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Love Me, Don't Leave Me: Overcoming Fear of Abandonment and Building Lasting, Loving Relationships, by Michelle Skeen PsyD
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Everyone thrives on love, comfort, and the safety of family, friends, and community. But if you are denied these basic comforts early in life through a lack of physical affection or emotional bonding, you may develop intense fears of abandonment that can last well into adulthood - fears so powerful that they can actually cause you to push people away. If you suffer from fears of abandonment, you may have underlying feelings of anger, shame, fear, anxiety, depression, and grief. These emotions are intense and painful, and when they surface they can lead to a number of negative behaviors, such as jealousy, clinging, and emotional blackmail.
In Love Me, Don't Leave Me, therapist Michelle Skeen combines acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT), schema therapy, and dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT) to help you identify the root of your fears. In this book you'll learn how schema coping behaviors - deeply entrenched and automatic behaviors rooted in childhood experiences and fears - can take over and cause you to inadvertently sabotage your relationships. By recognizing these coping behaviors and understanding their cause, you will gain powerful insights not only into your own mind but also into the minds of those around you.
- Sales Rank: #7477 in Audible
- Published on: 2016-02-09
- Released on: 2016-02-09
- Format: Unabridged
- Original language: English
- Running time: 329 minutes
Most helpful customer reviews
19 of 19 people found the following review helpful.
Succinct and Practical Help — Very Helpful
By robomacman
This book not only succinctly ties everything I have already learned in overcoming my emotional childhood wounds, but has also been extremely helpful in understanding and addressing the wound that made it difficult for me to receive love.
The structure of this book makes it very helpful to work through your wounds. The self-assessment test were very helpful in identifying my own particular fear issue. Furthermore, providing the behavior triggers and behavioral reactions to my particular fear trigger was extremely helpful. Although I am already familiar with much of the information in the remainder of the book, it still helped bring clarity to dealing my own emotional wound in a more healthy manner.
This book is filled with lots of practical exercises with examples to walk you through the healing process. In fact, as a whole, these exercises are more practically helpful than any other book I have read on overcoming trauma (not the only great book though: Rewire Your Brain, Daring to Trust, Learned Optimism, Willpower Instinct and Charisma Myth were also great. Each touch on key principles addressed in this particular book). The chapter on communication covered a variety of important topics, but also done in a succinct manner that makes it easy to incorporate as I open myself for Building Lasting, Loving Relationships.
If you are new to the overcoming the fears and wounds of the past, this is a great book to start.
If you are like me and have been working through your wounds for some time, then this book very well may bring a simplified clarity to the whole process. I can actually live the advice in this book in my life presently. I don't have to spend months trying to get a grasp of my wound. I can now live the life I am working towards. I personally got what I needed from this book, even with the needed exercises, within one day. I am glad I bought it and highly recommend it.
12 of 12 people found the following review helpful.
Excellent!
By Cindy Erickson
Thank you Michelle Skeen. I can not put this book down. I can not believe how helpful this book is. It is teaching me how to let go of my damaging ways of thinking that I have learned over the years. That thinking includes not trusting, self-loathing and self-sabotage. These hardwired feelings were destroying my relationship with my husband. A relationship I do not want to lose. I started seeking out why I could not trust. Was I right by following my intuition that he was cheating on me. That every time he did something nice there was an ulterior motive. If he didn't answer my texts or calls that gave me validity of my thoughts. Who would ever think that maybe it could have something to do with my self preservation process? And, god forbid, he might have other reasons for not answering my texts or calls. If you have any thoughts like I do, this book is a relationship saver.
4 of 4 people found the following review helpful.
Skeen does a beautiful job of leading readers not only on a journey ...
By BF
As a clinical psychology trainee pursuing a doctoral degree, I have ample reading to do, but this book was an absolute pleasure to read. Dr. Skeen does a beautiful job of leading readers not only on a journey of healing, but also on a journey of discovering why and how their early patterns of interaction are perpetuated. Many texts cover how to solve the present issue, but few cover the root of the issue, which, if addressed, can lead to deeper levels of self-understanding and reaching a place of peace. The text is laid out in an accessible manner so the reader can easily follow along, and it is evident that Dr. Skeen has invested a lot of time into fully researching schema therapy, as well as practicing it. Her writing style is clear and engaging; she really connects with readers as if she is sitting in the chair across from them in a session. Through her words Michelle communicates empathy with readers, and her use of vignettes helps those fearing abandonment understand that this is a very real, prevalent struggle, but also one that they can overcome. I would consider this to be a text not only for those who wish to explore their own relationships, but also for clinicians and trainees as well. Bravo on this one! Great read that I am happy to have added to my library for practice in the future.
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